Category Archives: Encouragement

A tale of my two lovers.

A Tale Of Two Lovers

I wanted to share a story with you today. An honest, heartbreaking one. I just know this is the place where people will understand.

I strayed from my first love some years ago. I left his abounding love, and went after another. Sure, I gave “lip service” to the first, but my heart was with the one I was committing adultery with.

After some time, I don’t recall how long it took, I realized what I had done. I had broken my vows, broken the heart of my first real love. I cried out in repentence, “I’m so sorry, what have I done???” and begged to be taken back.

Amazingly enough, my first love took me back with simple “I’m so sorry” and a change of heart. We could finally be back together, right? Well, maybe.

I still called my first love by my other lovers name. I celebrated his birthday on my other lover’s birthday. I told my first love that I was really calling on HIM, not my other lover, and celebrating HIM, not my other lover. Didn’t seem to make a difference. My first love still knew that my heart was with my other lover. I couldn’t let him go.

All around my house, you would see things that would remind me of my other lover. In one small corner, I had a small token of my first love…his love letters he wrote to me. I read them once in a while, but only when it was “convenient” and my other lover didn’t need me.

It wasn’t until I realized just how much my other lover still affected our lives and I ripped out any memory of him that I was able to really fall in love with my first love again. I had to remember my first love’s REAL name…and call him that. Calling him by names I called my other lover just wouldn’t do.

I had to remember the days my first love and I celebrated together. I had to go back to what WE had done at the first, and not what my other lover wanted.

Once I did that, life was different. There was a peace in my heart that I can’t explain. I am in love with my first love, and He and I have built a wonderful relationship together. But, I had to let go of my other lover completely. I had to stop breaking my first love’s heart and reminding Him of what I had done.

He who has ears, let him hear.

What is keeping YOU from having your life filled with the Father?

Fill Our Lives

The world is a distraction from the Father. We need to fill our lives with the Father so that there is no room for anything else.

If we fill up with our Father so that it consumes us, there is no room for anything else. The father is light and the world is darkness – they can’t coexist!. If we have temptations that means that we are not full of the Father which leaves no room for darkness (temptation, hate, anger – Anger belongs to YHWY).

When people came to Yashua and asked what they needed to do to follow him or to enter the Kingdom, He knew what their stumbling blocks were and when he told them to get rid of that they often went away sad like the rich young ruler who couldn’t get rid of everything that he had.

What is distracting us from the Father and the Spirit? Are we willing to get rid of that even if it means cutting off our arm or removing an eye (or both of them)? Think about your day. What happens during your day that causes you to think about things other than our Father and his Kingdom. Can we get rid of that or will we make excuses why we can’t get rid of it.

When we let the Father consume us completely, there is no room for anything else. There is no room for temptation or evil in our lives. We have to clear the weeds from our garden. Not once but every time so they don’t establish roots. If we do this at the first sign of them appearing then each time will get easier to get rid of them.

For most of my life, I have struggled with an addiction to pornography. I tried to hide it from others and even myself. When I got married it would often rear its ugly head and threaten our marriage. I would lie about it, confess and ask forgiveness but it would come back. At one point I confessed to a pastor who offered to be an accountability partner. We read the bible together once a week which seemed to help for a while however the temptation was frequent. At times I could fight it off – other times not which would start with me trying to make deals with the devil. I told myself that it wouldn’t hurt or be wrong if I just entertained the thought of the images. Instead of plucking the weeds at their first sign of appearance, I let them grow a little which in the blink of an eye were out of control.

The point I am making is that “we” can not control things like this. People are not evil, but if we allow evil into our lives, it will overpower us and consume us. The only defense is to cry out to the Father with everything we have… because our life depends on it. When we believe in the power of our Father and realize that He is the only one with the power to conquer. The closer we follow in the Father’s footsteps, the more protection we will have from Him. The closer we are to him, the easier it is for us to hear his instructions on how to avoid the snares that are set on either side of the narrow path.

YHWH loves his children and doesn’t want them to stumble, but they have to look to him and be listening in order to hear the warnings He is giving.
Not long ago, my family had some difficult experiences which caused me to realize that matters were way beyond “my control” and out of desperation, I cried to the Father. I begged, and cried… a lot. I felt devastated like everything that “I” had ever done was wasted and full of mistakes even things I had thought were done right. The morning after being up all night worrying and praying, I felt the strangest sense of peace. Then I understood, my Father was trying to get my attention. He wants us close to him. He wants to protect us since we can’t do it on our own. This realization hit me hard and I understood how it is all about His love for his children, but we have to allow Him to fill us completely so there is no room for “the world” in our lives since they both can not be in us at the same time.

When we say that it is too hard to follow the the law, we are making excuses for not getting rid of everything from the world in our lives that distracts us from him. When we fill our lives with the Father and his glory there is no room for anything like addictions. If 1 demon is cast out of our lives, we better fill the empty space completely with our Father otherwise that demon will be back with more like him. But if we fill up every cranny with the father so that it consumes us there is no room for the enemy or his servants to get a foot hold in our lives. Then following the two greatest commandments are so easy, we will not even have to think about them. Loving our father with all our heart and mind and loving our neighbor as ourself. All of the other commandments are based on those two. Following the commandments is not how we get to the Father. Following the Word is the outcome of being filled to the top with the love from our heavenly Father.

I pray every day for strength to get through the day and ask for instructions on what to get rid of from my life that will block my view of Him or be a stumbling block. I have a long way to go and I know that I will be attacked many times, but I know my Protector is there as long as I keep my eyes on him rather than the things of this world. I look forward to becoming closer and loving Him more as time passes. I am thankful now that every time, the thought of pornography starts to enter my mind, I can turn away and let myself be filled with the wonderful saving love from our Father.

What does it mean to walk in love? Can we really do it?

The Fruits Of The Spirit-LOVE

Something that I have been learning lately are the fruits of the Spirit.

No, it’s not been easy, and I’m not very patient with it. I get angry when one of my kids spills a drink on the couch, or when hubby spends more money on lunch than was originally budgeted. Oh, the frustration I feel when someone “doesn’t get it” about Torah, or who Yahshua was, or anything that I feel I’m on the “up and up” Biblically speaking.

Oh, wretched sinner that I still am. Obviously, the work on the cross didn’t finish it all, because there is still a LOT of work in me left to do. The only thing I have truly going for me at this point is my willingness to say that I don’t have it all together, and my willingness to keep trying. That automatically makes me 1/2 way to success, my desire to do the Father’s Will. HE wants us to succeed at this. He doesn’t set us up to fail, like a big ol’ meanie in the sky. The Father truly wants us to follow Him and He didn’t make the way difficult.

Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. (Deut 30:11-16 NIV emphasis mine)

Following His commandments are not hard. At least, they shouldn’t be. Sinful pride seems to keep getting in the way for me. The Torah isn’t far off, it’s in our mouth and in our heart when we choose to follow the Father’s ways. Incidentally, that’s how our Messiah walked, talked and lived while on the earth. He walked Torah perfectly as an example to us that WE could do it, too.

But, that PRIDE.

Pride is the thing which causes me to fail each and every time. It puffs me up, makes me believe I can do it all on my own. That I don’t need help with anything. When I am full of pride, I find myself arguing with people, losing patience with my children, fighting with my husband, and even eating an entire bowl of ice cream as I try to “drown my sorrows”. The fruits of the Spirit are not reflected in these things.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. (Gal 5:22-23 KJV)

So, how to I show love first of all? Yahshua Himself said that the two greatest commandments were to Love Yahweh with all our hearts, minds, and soul and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (Matt 22:37-39 KJV)

Loving Yahweh with all our hearts means that we guard His laws, His right rulings (Deut 11:1), obey His voice and cling to Him (Deut 30:20). We strive to follow Torah, to keep it the best we can. When we fail, we TRUST that our Messiah’s blood will cover our sin so that we can start over again. We don’t give up. That part is easy. Our Father is perfect, He doesn’t make mistakes, spill milk, toss a red sock in with white laundry or bleach our dark colors. He doesn’t load the dishwasher wrong, forget to take out the garbage or forget to feed the dog.

Loving our neighbor as ourselves? Ummm…that is the difficult part. It’s hard to love a neighbor that allows their dog to roam free, killing your chickens. The neighbor that dumps all their leaves in a pile in your yard? The neighbor that burns their leaves as you are trying to hang out laundry to dry? What about the person who cuts you off in traffic? Or takes the parking space you wanted? What about the person who is taking forever in the checkout line when you are in a hurry? How hard is it to remember to love when your white laundry comes out pink, or your black laundry comes out spotted? Or when you are cleaning up spilled milk-AGAIN?

That’s where I call out to the Father. There are times I can’t love someone on my own power. BUT, with the Father’s Spirit leading me I can forgive the dog’s owner, understand that the neighbor was trying to help our garden with his leaf pile, and even offer to take the other leaves off our neighbor’s hands so they don’t have to burn them. With the Spirit, I can breathe and remember that a parking space is just a parking space. There ARE others in the parking lot. I can remember that nothing is that important that I need to be in that big of a hurry in traffic, or at the store. (yes, emergencies are different)Perhaps in the interest of peace for myself, I leave an extra 15 minutes in my schedule to account for that.

With the Father’s Spirit, I can remember that clothing is just STUFF that will pass away. Harsh words can wound a soul, crush a spirit, break a heart. I take a breath and remember that my family was trying to help.

And, that, my friends…is walking in LOVE. Am I perfect at it? NOPE. Not even close. That’s where keeping close to the Father in prayer and reading comes into play. Renewing your mind and all. (Romans 12:2)

What do you do when it feels like your world is crashing down?

“Help, I’m Drowning”

In Genesis, we read about Noah and the ark. Noah built his ark, loaded the animals that YHWH told him to load, and the rains came. You remember the story, right?

What I have never really got before that was the idea that the ark was in safety on the TOP of the water. Sure, that makes sense, but what did it mean?


Then, I looked at Isaiah 54:9-11.

For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee. O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.  (emphasis mine) (KJV)

What did this mean to me?

Part of our walk is learning HOW to walk the Torah and HOW to follow the Messiah’s example. What did the water have to do with it? We learned that the water seemed to represent the storms of life. Little did we know, we were about to face a huge storm in our life.

Our son is in rebellion. He refuses to listen to us reading the Bible, refuses to pray with us, and refuses to even sit in our Bible study that we host in our home. We fought with him, pulled the “chain” around his neck to force him to obey, and hammered in our ways in his life. All to the negative. It came to a head last Sunday, after we read those above portions. Our son left our home in the middle of the night and was gone for several hours.

Worry and fear tried to take over, and we spent hours praying, crying and searching for comfort from the Scriptures. Easier said than done, to be honest. We were able to bring our son home safely after several hours, but the damage to our relationship was done. What were we going to do? I LOVE my son. So much I’d give my life to save him. And, it HURT when he started going astray. Heart shattering hurt.

NOW, I know how YHWH feels when we stray from Him and His commands. Heart shattering loss. It’s not pretty, friends. Not at all.

Crying out, I remembered the tempest that Noah went through and was led to Matthew 14:22-31, the story of Peter walking on the water with Yahshua.

And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away. 23 And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone. 24 But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. 26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. 27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. 28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. 29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. 31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth [his] hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? (KJV)

Imagine this…Peter thinks he’s all big and bad, right? I mean, he’s one of the “loved” disciples. One of Yahshua’s best friends. In the inner circle. Can you see him right now, climbing out of the boat, walking on the water to the Messiah? I imagine that in the middle of this, he looks back at his friends, almost boasting about his feat, and takes his eyes of the Messiah. As his eyes are off the Messiah, he sees the wind is strong and becomes afraid and starts to sink.  He becomes afraid.

Fear nearly caused Peter to drown. Fear nearly killed him. Had he not called out as he was sinking, Peter might have died that night. But, in faith, he called out. Maybe it was a weak faith, but it was faith that the Messiah would do something to save him.

That is how it was with me. FEAR caused me to take my eyes of the Messiah and worry  caused me to want to make my son follow in my paths, my way. But it isn’t about ME, or MY WAY. It’s about the Father’s ways and HIS path for my son’s life. I cried out that night, with a gut wretching cry that I have never had before in my life. Tearing the soul apart kind of cry. The kind that is so deep and hard, tears can’t even form. I cried out, “YHWH, save me, I’m drowning”. Those were the only words I could get out for the next hour.

The storm hit. I had taken my eyes off the Messiah, and had started to sink.

In faith, I cried out to Him to save me. And, his hand reached out and pulled me up. I was lifted up out of the storm, and back into the boat. Humbled from the pride that I could do things my way. Broken that I had failed. Repentant because I was wrong.

For the first time in months, I felt peace. Total shalom. I was finally able to give it all to YHWH and trust that HE will guide my son and grab a hold of his heart. A peace that I no longer have to fight with my son to get him to follow, just pray for him always. I am back on top of the water, in the boat, ready to go back out to the Messiah on the water. Only THIS time, I’ll keep my eyes on HIM.

When life and circumstances have you feel like you are drowning, call out to the Father. He will pull you through.