I wanted to share a story with you today. An honest, heartbreaking one. I just know this is the place where people will understand.
I strayed from my first love some years ago. I left his abounding love, and went after another. Sure, I gave “lip service” to the first, but my heart was with the one I was committing adultery with.
After some time, I don’t recall how long it took, I realized what I had done. I had broken my vows, broken the heart of my first real love. I cried out in repentence, “I’m so sorry, what have I done???” and begged to be taken back.
Amazingly enough, my first love took me back with simple “I’m so sorry” and a change of heart. We could finally be back together, right? Well, maybe.
I still called my first love by my other lovers name. I celebrated his birthday on my other lover’s birthday. I told my first love that I was really calling on HIM, not my other lover, and celebrating HIM, not my other lover. Didn’t seem to make a difference. My first love still knew that my heart was with my other lover. I couldn’t let him go.
All around my house, you would see things that would remind me of my other lover. In one small corner, I had a small token of my first love…his love letters he wrote to me. I read them once in a while, but only when it was “convenient” and my other lover didn’t need me.
It wasn’t until I realized just how much my other lover still affected our lives and I ripped out any memory of him that I was able to really fall in love with my first love again. I had to remember my first love’s REAL name…and call him that. Calling him by names I called my other lover just wouldn’t do.
I had to remember the days my first love and I celebrated together. I had to go back to what WE had done at the first, and not what my other lover wanted.
Once I did that, life was different. There was a peace in my heart that I can’t explain. I am in love with my first love, and He and I have built a wonderful relationship together. But, I had to let go of my other lover completely. I had to stop breaking my first love’s heart and reminding Him of what I had done.
He who has ears, let him hear.